Gnomes are a mixed blessing in Edmonds. On the one hand, they are responsible for many a beautiful garden. On the other hand, some are mischief makers that cost the city enumerable dollars.
I recently caught a gnome sleeping in a tree in my parent's backyard.
Lot's of myths concern the culture of gnomes; the main myth being that gnomes are essentially "friendly little people." The reality is that gnomes have a full range of personalities and tempers, and they absolutely hate humans. For example, the gnome above quickly woke up, gave me a hand sign that I can't describe here, and scrambled into the tree and threw seeds and nuts at me. I tried to explain that I was just a councilman trying to do research, but that only made matters worse.
Some gnomes are so nasty they "go gremlin." Gremlins, while genetically identical to gnomes, shed their pointy hat in favor of leather jackets and body piercings. They cause all sorts of problems. Their favorite prank is to cause personal computers to run slow or make a printer fail just when someone is running late for a presentation.
One nasty gremlin, known as Zanchilius, repeatedly dumped bubble bath in the gazebo fountain in downtown. Then assistant parks director Brian McIntosh eventually caught him by creating a stand on the street used to sell nose piercings, which would periodically emanate a shock similar to a taser. Zanchilius was stunned (along with several Gothic band members) and held in a "gremlin proof" cage, which failed to live up to its name. Zanchilius has not been seen since (sadly) a youth drove a car into the fountain while the gremlin was sabotaging it.
Another troublesome gnome is Grimchnotti. Grimchnotti is tired of "taller buildings" in Edmonds; however, anything over 2 foot tall is too tall for Grimchnotti. In his now infamous lawsuit, Grimchnotti v. Edmonds, Gimchnotti argued (over the phone since he couldn't stand being near humans) that any development over 2 feet tall was an unconstitutional breach of a gnomes property rights. An odd argument, since gnomes don't have a concept of property ownership. Attorney Scott Synder argued the constitution did not recognize the rights of gnomes. Synder prevailed, but the case still eats up city legal resources on appeal.
Gnomes are currently regulated under the animal control ordinances of the city of Edmonds; however, there is nothing our animal control officers can do about them. Edmonds gnomes flee human contact and effective gnome traps are virtually non-existent. The planning board will take up the regulation of gnomes this year, but in the meantime here are some tips to prevent gnomes and gremlins from becoming pest:
1) Reward good behavior by praising excellent gnome work. For example, if your flowers are blooming, say "Thank You" very loud and tell them him much you love the flowers. You can't see them, but they listen.
2) Don't get angry when a gremlin strikes. Gremlins feed off anger. Calmly fix the problem they have caused and smile like it's no big deal.
3) Respect a gnome's privacy and they will respect yours.
4) Don't cut down trees. Gnomes love trees, gremlins hate them.
You can report problems to animal control, but don't expect them to do anything about it. And don't report it to your councilman either, because well, some council members mistakenly believe that gnomes are not real. :>)
I recently caught a gnome sleeping in a tree in my parent's backyard.
Lot's of myths concern the culture of gnomes; the main myth being that gnomes are essentially "friendly little people." The reality is that gnomes have a full range of personalities and tempers, and they absolutely hate humans. For example, the gnome above quickly woke up, gave me a hand sign that I can't describe here, and scrambled into the tree and threw seeds and nuts at me. I tried to explain that I was just a councilman trying to do research, but that only made matters worse.
Some gnomes are so nasty they "go gremlin." Gremlins, while genetically identical to gnomes, shed their pointy hat in favor of leather jackets and body piercings. They cause all sorts of problems. Their favorite prank is to cause personal computers to run slow or make a printer fail just when someone is running late for a presentation.
One nasty gremlin, known as Zanchilius, repeatedly dumped bubble bath in the gazebo fountain in downtown. Then assistant parks director Brian McIntosh eventually caught him by creating a stand on the street used to sell nose piercings, which would periodically emanate a shock similar to a taser. Zanchilius was stunned (along with several Gothic band members) and held in a "gremlin proof" cage, which failed to live up to its name. Zanchilius has not been seen since (sadly) a youth drove a car into the fountain while the gremlin was sabotaging it.
Another troublesome gnome is Grimchnotti. Grimchnotti is tired of "taller buildings" in Edmonds; however, anything over 2 foot tall is too tall for Grimchnotti. In his now infamous lawsuit, Grimchnotti v. Edmonds, Gimchnotti argued (over the phone since he couldn't stand being near humans) that any development over 2 feet tall was an unconstitutional breach of a gnomes property rights. An odd argument, since gnomes don't have a concept of property ownership. Attorney Scott Synder argued the constitution did not recognize the rights of gnomes. Synder prevailed, but the case still eats up city legal resources on appeal.
Gnomes are currently regulated under the animal control ordinances of the city of Edmonds; however, there is nothing our animal control officers can do about them. Edmonds gnomes flee human contact and effective gnome traps are virtually non-existent. The planning board will take up the regulation of gnomes this year, but in the meantime here are some tips to prevent gnomes and gremlins from becoming pest:
1) Reward good behavior by praising excellent gnome work. For example, if your flowers are blooming, say "Thank You" very loud and tell them him much you love the flowers. You can't see them, but they listen.
2) Don't get angry when a gremlin strikes. Gremlins feed off anger. Calmly fix the problem they have caused and smile like it's no big deal.
3) Respect a gnome's privacy and they will respect yours.
4) Don't cut down trees. Gnomes love trees, gremlins hate them.
You can report problems to animal control, but don't expect them to do anything about it. And don't report it to your councilman either, because well, some council members mistakenly believe that gnomes are not real. :>)
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